Today’s a better day, especially since we’re all going to be home together… soon. Adi had to go to work for a couple of hours (he just HAD to, ok?), but then we’ll spend new year’s eve and the following couple of days together in our own little family. That makes me feel good, less anxious, and less like my shoulders support the weight of the world (hey, there, Atlas, didn’t mean to take your job).
The funny thing is I don’t really feel like it’s new year’s eve. Just like I didn’t feel like it was my b-day back in August. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I am not the most important person for me at the moment. Did anyone say “warmer’? Yep, that’s probably part of the reason behind my multiple anxieties, paranoias, complexes, and obsessions. I have to get used to having no/little control over my life and actions. I think I should practice what I preach and try to become (in the deleuzian sense of embracing the constant change that surrounds us) rather than looking for stability, which is a fiction anyway, or long uninterrupted periods of time.
It just sucks that the tone of yesterday’s post was lamentation, while today’s veers toward nostalgia and sadness, because that’s just not how I feel most of the time. In all honesty, I’m really happy with how things are turning out. Eria is a fantastic baby: she’s happy all the time, she’s interactive and playful, and has a smile that can suspend time. I am enjoying her enourmously. I feel like the luckiest parent alive with such a (the most) wonderful baby.
Happy New Year, everyone!